Being a nerd hip hop fan, I always thought some of Jurrasic Park’s score would sound dope diggity funky fresh nasty over some nice beats.

But before I could—wait—Its been like 15 years since the J-Park hit the screets! Why did it take somebody this long? I mean with the internet and the kids? I don’t know. But credit finally goes to Swizz Beatz for filling this hole in the universe. Swizz’s apparently worked with everyone in hip hop and is dating Alicia Keys, but this is the first I’ve heard of him. Maybe I don’t like hip hop?  Is that the one with the turntables?

You can listen to the track in all its mediocre glory below.

jurassic theme (instrumental) –

I was gonna take an entire museum and have free reign to do whatever I want, adding clever provactive twists to hundreds of—you know what, fuck you Banksy.

Spicy Chicken Sushi (Fancy Popeyes Chicken)

Aside from the occasional, random health food kick, I’ve always been an adamant supporter of fast food. Its not because its cheap, or delicious, or convenient. Its because its cheap, delicious, and convenient. But girls are always like “ehhh, I want to be treated like a lady and eat off of a square plate.”

With just a little bit of extra preparation, you can keep a #5 from looking like a #2. Trash the wrapper, eat half the serving when she’s not looking, rearrange what’s left on your fancy square plate, then sprinkle something on top that’s the opposite color – BAM! Your eyes’ mouths will be watering in no time. And so will your lady’s.

I’d have capitalized on this and made a cookbook myself, but I was too busy romancifying.

Fancyfastfood.com can have this one.

link

I’ll be honest. I was HOPING they wouldn’t finish this. Then my voltron plans could’ve have gone back into production.

Sheesh. Way to make me look like a jerk, Japan.

Photo credit

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So I missed my chance on the whole “cutting youtube videos together to make music” thing. I admit I should have acted on it sooner. But I was literally about to hit the submit button on a payment for a ticket to South Africa when I found this. Come on! Someone must have heard me explaining my plans for this to my cat. Okay, so I don’t have adequate recording equipment but I figured a mini-tape deck and an iFlip would do the job just fine.

I’ve had many ideas for TV shows over the years. Back in ’96 I had this idea about a Greyhound bus crashing at a deserted Jack-in-the-Box. The survivors would be forced to deal with the ever-growing mystery of the Jack-in-the-Box and strange connections would be revealed through their flashbacks. In ’89 I wrote a treatment for the adaptation of the X-Men comic book, a world where ordinary people suddenly gained extraordinary powers and were eventually hunted down because they were different. But someone beat me to it. I won’t even go into my idea of Clogging with the Stars.

None of those ideas compared to what I considered a masterstroke of genius in public broadcasting. I was going to commission my mom to host a talk show that would showcase the highest caliber of goth poets, wordsmiths and lyricists. Once again, I’ve acted too slow and someone has beaten me to it:

Nobody wants to finish things. Lotta work. A sketchbook’s very nature seems to be unfinished. You draw at your own pace, and things come out fresh and alive or terrible and scratched out. or embarrassing and ripped out. But I have a lifelong dream of drawing in sketchbooks for a living and. Hall of Best Knowledge author Ray Fenwick’s found a way to make that happen. If you can live off of Americanos. Which I can.

Link

When I saw Star Wars (Retold by the last human who hasn’t yet seen Star Wars) I realized it was a brilliant formula. Combine a little bit of creativity with the charming naivety of someone ignorant of a pop culture hit…and it hit me…LOST! But before I could gain charm and forget 5 seasons of the best show on television, someone beat me to it. Magda “Some Nerve” Diaz. Check out her jerkfacingly cute illustrations and commentary as she blindly dives into television’s biggest enigma burrito at NowImLost.com.

Link

You may or may not have heard of Andrew Hussie’s webcomic MS Paint Adventures, a primarily user-driven story that mimics videogames of all shapes and sizes. And, no, I’m not going to say I had a similar idea three years ago modeled after board games. I did, however, think to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great if I put together a series of videos that compiled all of the MS Paint images into an epic, multi-part visual and audio tribute to Mr. Hussie’s grand vision?”

Well, as per usual, someone already did this. And really well.

*audible sigh*

Zeitlos Eisen (yeah, even his name is awesome) has put together a series of the aforementioned videos and added an impressive soundtrack to boot. And that wasn’t enough for Mr. Eisen. Oh no, the guy even put the soundtrack up for download. The gall of these people.
Link to the first video in the series (if you must)

You may or may not have heard of Andrew Hussie’s webcomic MS Paint Adventures, a primarily user-driven story that mimics videogames of all shapes and sizes. And, no, I’m not going to say I had a similar idea three years ago modeled after board games. I did, however, think to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great if I put together a series of videos that compiled all of the MS Paint images into an epic, multi-part visual and audio tribute to Mr. Hussie’s grand vision?”

Well, as per usual, someone already did this. And really well.

*audible sigh*

Zeitlos Eisen (yeah, even his name is awesome) has put together a series of the aforementioned videos and added an impressive soundtrack to boot. And that wasn’t enough for Mr. Eisen. Oh no, the guy even put the soundtrack up for download. The gall of these people.

Link to the first video in the series (if you must)